Over the weekend, I had some fun imagining how certain celebrities and politicians would seem to be ideally suited for second careers, in their golden years, as “greeters” at Wal-Mart. Try to imagine being met by these people and these words on your way into the store.

Britney Spears: No, I’m sorry, I don’t know where the underwear department is.

Paris Hilton: Yes I can direct you to video equipment. Let’s go together and see what we can film.

Jeff Probst: Immunity idols are on sale at X-aisle’s island.

Donald Trump: George the manager says to me, “You’re fired.” I say to him, “No, you’re fired.” So, to answer your question, yes I am still working here.

Any of the cast members of the TV show Lost: Are you lost?

Dr. Phil (working the “returns” counter): How’s that working for you?

George W. Bush: I know we sell weapons of mass destruction, but I can’t find them.

Alan Greenspan: Spend, spend, spend!

Barack Obama: What matters most is good judgement. You’ve made the right decision in coming to Wal-Mart.

Hillary Clinton: Experience is what counts. Talk is cheap. So are we.

Vanna White: We sell everything but vowels.

The Queen of England: It is truly wonderful to see that you have brought your adorable children with you today. I am always so pleased when Charles and Camilla come shopping with me.

Stephen Harper: I used to be the Prime Minister of Canada. Now is there anything I can help you with today?

Simon Cowell: Listen sweetheart, I can take you to the karaoke machines, but that won’t lead to Entertainment.

Paula Abdul: What I like about you, even without your teeth and in this lighting, you still shine.

Randy Jackson (at the check-out counter): Yo dawg, whassup? Check it out. How do you think you did?

None of this is meant as a slam against Wal-Mart or its customers. It’s just for amusement. Donna and I shop there all the time. We really appreciate the bargains and the variety.

Alex Carrick

Find Canadian construction-related economic articles in Canadian Construction Market News and in the Economic Outlook section of Daily Commercial News.

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