RSSCrawlers and Spiders and the Vanishing Art of Headline Puns
There has been a major casualty of the digital age that you may be noticing only peripherally. Has it entered your consciousness that there are fewer punning headlines anymore?
There is a very good reason for this. The business of publishing is increasingly dependent on the Internet. In turn, Internet-based advertising sales depend on “number of hits” or “Internet-pages viewed”.
People find news stories on the Internet by going to the sites of their favorite newspapers and magazines. But they also find what they are looking for through search engines provided by the likes of Google and Yahoo.
The goal, from a publisher’s standpoint, is to have the “web crawlers” and “spiders” launched by the search engines find their stories as easily and readily as possible. Bare-bones headlines make this process easier. It is best to get as many pertinent facts into the headline as possible. That way, a search on specific terminology (e.g., inflation rate, Gross Domestic Product, etc.) is more likely to find the headline and the story quickly.
Hence, the fall-off in the number of word-game headlines. Web spiders don’t “get” puns.
I think this is a shame. Furthermore, I now understand that I need to be less funny, which may not actually be much of a problem. However, it does cut down on my creativity. On any given economic subject, I’ve always liked saying some variant of:
Québec is Up, Ontario is Down and the Prairies are Flat
This just amuses me. Some of the best sources for ridiculous headlines are in the fisheries and in agriculture. Who hasn’t been tickled, seeing?
Fishermen Set Sail just for the Halibut
Bad Kernels Pop Corn Price Bubble
Here’s a story that I would love to write:
Motion Moved that Alberta has Gas Problem
Then the first line of the article might read: “Oil second that”, says energy executive; followed by “something smells in methane country, according to government official.”
Financial markets are a rich minefield for such material, as demonstrated by:
Investors Shafted by Gold Mine Scam
And when a rather large psychic comes to town and gives advice on the stock market:
Tall Medium Sells Short
Here are three more:
Salmon Run Spawns Record, Anglers Hooked
Tire Prices Inflate, Sales Skid
Fruit Growers Say Frostbite's the Pits
Finally, this is my all-time favourite. I’ve been dying to use it. It’s so simple and yet so eloquent.
Post-War Baby Boomers Cry for Change
Take a second to think about it. Is it perfect? That “Depends” on whether or not the word “diaper” needs to actually appear.
