Greetings! This being my first post, I thought I would keep it light. Alas, I am not astute enough to have come up with this on my own; it was sent to me in an email... Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins. Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out. Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven. Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney--usually applied at random with a shotgun. Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets. Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin. Auditor - Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded. Lawyer - Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies DD